who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
