you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
