I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
