around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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