Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
