it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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