We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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