You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
