Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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