why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize
