So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
