where does the pee come out of this thing
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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