This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
