All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
