better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
pray to the hookup gods
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
