Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize