I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
