she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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