nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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