i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you made out with another girl for some wings
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
