I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
