Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
birth control should be required to get into college
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
