Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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