yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over