I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?