i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she peed on how many people?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.