last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?