My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.