I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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