Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
