did you get engaged???
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
