hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
