oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize