What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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