I smell stomach acid.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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