How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
