He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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