please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
