Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She's like a pop up book from hell.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
