I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
