In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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