Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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