Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
