No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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