she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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