About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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