i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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