definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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