Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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