i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
