Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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