You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
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I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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