They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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