Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
