I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
