bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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