life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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