I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
