I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The struggles of a small town man whore
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