So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
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apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
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Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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