i already hear my dad disowning me
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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