well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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