Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
