So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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