I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
